Everything from this word on is my soapbox speech aimed inward. I am becoming my own teacher/guru and demanding that I push myself further. If you relate to my words and are able to apply a thought to your own life-great! If not, read on and don’t judge me…because I have a confession…
I have a kid mentality.
I had my turn at being a kid. I’m not sure when my turn stopped, because life kept going and I didn’t realize that a landmark day had passed and I was acting younger than my chronological age. The following is the list of examples that I struggle with each and every day.
1. I waste energy and tell myself it’s for my own good. I sweep the kitchen floor by catching the main area and then bragging to my hubby about my hard work. I leave out details like “I swept over the piece of dirty sticky tape on the floor 5 times and gave up, not willing to bend over and actually pull it off the floor with my fingers.” Who cares about dirty sticky tape on the floor? It’s not like the kids are going to show their friends! “…and here is our abnormally small kitchen with dirty tiled floor and 5 pieces of sticky tape left because my mom is lazy…”
2. I ignore the problem, because it will all end up ok. Every month, bills come and I address the ones I want to and put off others. Most of the time, if I’m late paying a bill, it’s because I was procrastinating. I figure, I’ll get to it later…after I lecture my middle-schooler son on how he isn’t managing his time wisely and that causes lower grades.
3. I wish without intent. I wish for a calmer house without the intent on reading a calm parenting book in my Nook library. I wish for more money without meeting friends for coffee to help me brainstorm ways to save or make more green. I wish for date nights without actually calling a babysitter and planning a night out with my man.
4. I brag before I complete.
“Look what I can do!” I brag about my article before it’s written, my job before I complete the task, and my pinterest board ideas.
All of a sudden, I realized that these were things I did as a 5 year old. They worked ok then. My mom didn’t mind finishing my chore for me and praising me for the work I began. At 5 years of age, if I ignored the fact that it was bath night in hopes my parents would forget, too…or if I made a 5 page wish list covered in glitter and rainbows without any thought to working toward those goals on my own…or if I showed my mom my homework that was 1/2 complete because it had been 20 minutes since I heard affirmation from her it wouldn’t be a second thought. Because at 5 years old, I was the center of my universe. I had emotional and psychological needs that were met with constant attention from my parents, family and friends.
And now, 30 years later, I’m still learning. I’m still learning that every little thing I skimp out on, won’t just disappear. Later that sticky tape will have collected lint and dirt to the point of annoyance. And then I have a choice between decided ignorance and bending down to scrape the gunk off the floor so I can enjoy my abnormally small (but cleaner) kitchen while I cook with my hubby tonight.
I choose to stop the kid mentality so I can show myself and my children that growing up means responsibility but it also means fully enjoying all I have been given.